Common Sense

Apparently, people who want to vacation in the Western Hemisphere have found a backlog of passports being issued and vacations have been ruined.

The demand soared at the beginning of the year, as travelers sought to comply with a new rule requiring passports for all U.S. citizens flying within the Western Hemisphere.

And that demand has created a backlog of about 500,000 applications that have been pending for more than 12 weeks, spawning complaints by travelers who saw their trips in jeopardy. It also highlighted once again how post-Sept. 11 laws ripple from Capitol Hill across the country.

Well, I have a way around this, and no it is not to ask Rep. Chet Edwards’ office for help so I can vacation in Mexico this summer. I bet they’ve forgotten who I am by now.

No, I’m simply going to apply for a passport from the Conch Republic!

This is a good chance for me to prove how much smarter I am than you by watching a lot of TV. The U.S. Border Patrol shut down, basically, the only two roads that lead to the islands of the Florida Keys. Naturally, they complained because they rely almost entirely on tourists and their dollars for their economy. Also, the border searches were slowing down the beer supply to the islands. No beer and no tourism makes people do crazy things… like declare war on the United States and secede, which is what Key West did in 1982.
They did it in quite a novel way: They broke a loaf of stale Cuban bread over a guy in a naval uniform’s head. They declared themselves a separate nation named the Conch Republic, formed a constitution, selected a prime minister. The whole enchilada.

Then, one minute after the bread incident, they surrendered to the guy in the naval uniform and demanded $1 billion in foreign aid from the States. They still haven’t gotten it so they are still a whole country unto themselves.

Eventually, the border blocks ceased and things returned pretty much to normal. They still have their “own country,” but you’re unlikely to see Condi Rice jetting down there to discuss North American concerns with them since Washington doesn’t technically recognize the secession.

But their “souvenir” passports have been used successfully to cross borders all over the world. And they do have a still functioning parliamentary system. It’s kind of like Puerto Rico. You don’t technically need a passport to visit with them, but they look and act like a separate country.

And there is no backlog here my friends. Just 4-6 weeks of processing to get a fully functioning passport from the Conch Republic. Simply send in three passport photos from your local Walgreens, fill out the application and send in the $200 processing fee (they only accept U.S. currency. Go figure.) and you can travel anywhere you want under not-quite dual citizenship. If only I had $200 dollars!

I hope you learned something today and that we all have safe happy travels this summer.

Apparently, people who want to vacation in the Western Hemisphere have found a backlog of passports being issued and vacations have been ruined.

The demand soared at the beginning of the year, as travelers sought to comply with a new rule requiring passports for all U.S. citizens flying within the Western Hemisphere.

And that demand has created a backlog of about 500,000 applications that have been pending for more than 12 weeks, spawning complaints by travelers who saw their trips in jeopardy. It also highlighted once again how post-Sept. 11 laws ripple from Capitol Hill across the country.

Well, I have a way around this, and no it is not to ask Rep. Chet Edwards’ office for help so I can vacation in Mexico this summer. I bet they’ve forgotten who I am by now.

No, I’m simply going to apply for a passport from the Conch Republic!

This is a good chance for me to prove how much smarter I am than you by watching a lot of TV. The U.S. Border Patrol shut down, basically, the only two roads that lead to the islands of the Florida Keys. Naturally, they complained because they rely almost entirely on tourists and their dollars for their economy. Also, the border searches were slowing down the beer supply to the islands. No beer and no tourism makes people do crazy things… like declare war on the United States and secede, which is what Key West did in 1982.
They did it in quite a novel way: They broke a loaf of stale Cuban bread over a guy in a naval uniform’s head. They declared themselves a separate nation named the Conch Republic, formed a constitution, selected a prime minister. The whole enchilada.

Then, one minute after the bread incident, they surrendered to the guy in the naval uniform and demanded $1 billion in foreign aid from the States. They still haven’t gotten it so they are still a whole country unto themselves.

Eventually, the border blocks ceased and things returned pretty much to normal. They still have their “own country,” but you’re unlikely to see Condi Rice jetting down there to discuss North American concerns with them since Washington doesn’t technically recognize the secession.

But their “souvenir” passports have been used successfully to cross borders all over the world. And they do have a still functioning parliamentary system. It’s kind of like Puerto Rico. You don’t technically need a passport to visit with them, but they look and act like a separate country.

And there is no backlog here my friends. Just 4-6 weeks of processing to get a fully functioning passport from the Conch Republic. Simply send in three passport photos from your local Walgreens, fill out the application and send in the $200 processing fee (they only accept U.S. currency. Go figure.) and you can travel anywhere you want under not-quite dual citizenship. If only I had $200 dollars!

I hope you learned something today and that we all have safe happy travels this summer.