Common Sense

I have a serious crush on a stripper at Two Minnies. I don’t mean my usual ‘I gotta get them into bed as soon as possible crush’ either.

Tracey, one of the waitresses and one of the few people I’ve actually tried to start a friendship with said she would help, because, as you all know, I’m painfully shy. But I talked to the girl nonetheless and I think she thought I was cute. I have something I can build on!

Jasmine is not like the other dancers for some reason. I was told she was “complicated,” but you know that’s only going to make me want her more. I took it as code that she, too, finds monogamy to be an outdated Victorian value. What I demand of people is absolute honesty and integrity. I’m certainly not going to demand that a girl have only one sexual partner when I’m so interested in having sex with so many of her co-workers. Especially Jordan. During the one-dollar table dances last week, I swear she nearly broke my pelvis as hard as she was riding me… for a damn dollar.

Oh, and Rachel, one of my other waitress friends was actually dancing last night. I got her to do an entire set to music I picked out - John Lee Hooker’s “Boom Boom” and Soundgarden’s “The Day I Tried to Live” all while using my bitchin’ new flame cane. Girl made it worth the three bucks I spent to have a cane hook my neck and put my face directly in her crotch. I’m glad she’s my friend, because I got a kiss out of it, too.

It’s too bad my face hurt so much all night. I went to the dentist yesterday morning to save a molar with my first cavity. Unfortunately, I don’t brush well enough in the back and it had to go. He got me in to see see an oral surgeon that afternoon and he split the tooth in three and removed it it. The tooth was small but the root was more than an inch long and went way up into my sinus, increasing the risk of infection and stuff like that.

I can’t drink throw a straw or blow my nose for like two weeks.

Well, I’m going back to sleep because I’m still tired.