Common Sense

I used to read a lot of blogs every day. I mean a lot, somewhere upwards of 40-50. I kept in constant contact with many, many people who wrote those blogs and posted often with links to their posts about news stories they had read.

Then it hit me: I wasn’t actually writing anything substantive. It really burned me that all I had accomplished with my blog was to forward other people’s writings to people who came across me. So I more or less stopped reading blogs altogether. A few news sites and maybe one or two really good national blogs.

Then there was that last 6 months where I was depressed and in so much pain that I didn’t bother to write anything original, let alone read anything from anyone else.

I know I’ve decreed that I will have only one friend, but I should at least keep up-to-date on the lives of my “online acquaintances.” I’m filing most of the people I know from blogging as OA or as colleagues, so I don’t see this as a failing to keep up with my decree.

You’re probably wondering how that is going. It’s going well even though, at this point, I’m doing it for some weird reasons. I think it’s important that I prove to people that I am as mean, selfish and sadistic as I always tell people I am. What better way than to totally ignore the person who told my mom she loved me?

I should feel either really good or really bad about doing this to her. I mean, I haven’t so much as glanced at her or acknowledged her existence in weeks. And we work in the same newsroom on many of the same nights. Talk about awkward. Strangely, I’m kind of ambivalent about the whole thing. Well, some times I’m annoyed that she wanted to talk to me and sometimes I just don’t care. I wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Frankly, the other reason is because I just got tired of all the bullshit associated with dealing with people. After the fight that night we broke up, I sort of had a moment of clarity. A pure insight into what was going on in my life. I realized that almost all the problems in my life are caused by the people in my life.

It’s people’s actions and inactions towards me that cause stress and anxiety. Detaching myself from these people will also detach that stress and those problems. So far, it has worked really well. If only I could detach myself from doctor but still get prescriptions for pain medication, I would be totally set.

I also figure if I say I’m going to do something like this then I damn well better do it.

But off the tangent, I’m going to really put out the effort to read blogs associated with people I know.