Common Sense

My biggest hurdle is this feeling of ‘why bother?’ As if getting out of bed wasn’t hard enough already, depression just makes it worse.

It’s a very simple equation: being conscious = lots of pain. When I can manage to sleep, I don’t want it to stop. But I have to keep getting up to go to physical therapy or to go to another doctors appointment or to work. It just never seems to end. I would really just like to have a few days where I wasn’t expected to perform at peak efficiency like a normal person.

The worst part of all of this has been how this blog has been neglected. How am I supposed to keep this site fresh and interesting if I can barely be bothered to read my emails? Or if I don’t even want to be awake? It’s frustrating. More than that it’s infuriating.  I can’t walk, I hurt all the time and everyone of my doctors is of the ‘let’s wait and see’ opinion.

I can’t express myself. The only way I can put it is for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be me.

My biggest hurdle is this feeling of ‘why bother?’ As if getting out of bed wasn’t hard enough already, depression just makes it worse.

It’s a very simple equation: being conscious = lots of pain. When I can manage to sleep, I don’t want it to stop. But I have to keep getting up to go to physical therapy or to go to another doctors appointment or to work. It just never seems to end. I would really just like to have a few days where I wasn’t expected to perform at peak efficiency like a normal person.

The worst part of all of this has been how this blog has been neglected. How am I supposed to keep this site fresh and interesting if I can barely be bothered to read my emails? Or if I don’t even want to be awake? It’s frustrating. More than that it’s infuriating.  I can’t walk, I hurt all the time and everyone of my doctors is of the ‘let’s wait and see’ opinion.

I can’t express myself. The only way I can put it is for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be me.