Common Sense

I told Evil Clerk I would work tonight so that he could have the night off. It’s not like I was going to do anything since I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas. Did I ever mention that I hate the holidays? I’m sure I have, but let me reiterate it: I hate the holidays.

Before you go making some leaps of logic because you took and introduction to psychology class freshman year, it is not because I’m anti-social or just a grouch or anything of the sort. I have very specific grievances. The first one that comes to mind is that everything is closed, which for someone who has a daily schedule is a real inconvenience. And I like my daily schedule, that’s why I do it every day. These disruptions mean I don’t get to put my paycheck in the bank, can’t buy food, can’t buy gas for my car.

The crap about seeing family on the holidays is hollow, too. If I cared about these people, I would make the time to see them more than just once a year when every other idiot is also on the road. I don’t, so I don’t.

My biggest peet peeve about Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s has got to be the turkey. I absolutely cannot stand turkey. I hate the taste, the smell, the texture… everything about that nasty, shit-dwelling bird. I have only ever enjoyed a Thanksgiving turkey once in my entire life. I was in Big Bend with Sailor Moon’s family on a camping trip and the turkey was fried by a cajun chef. Anything can taste good when it has been in 400 degree peanut oil for an hour.
Because I can’t eat the food I want, I tend to not eat at all on Thanksgiving. Invariably 10 people will try to get me to eat some turkey and I have to be really mean to them to get them to go away and take that nasty shit with them.

Christmas is even worse because some places will be closed for days in a row. If I don’t want to starve I either have to buy a lot of food in advance or search out the Chinese food restaurant where all the Jewish people are eating at. Trust me, that is a weird conversation to have, explaining to a group of Jewish people why a Roman Catholic convert doesn’t celebrate Christmas.

That’s why my two favorite holidays have been and shall forever be Halloween and Election Day. Nobody expects to get either off from work, and the only reason you would go out or do something special is because you choose to, not because you are expected to. They are democratic holidays.

I told Evil Clerk I would work tonight so that he could have the night off. It’s not like I was going to do anything since I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas. Did I ever mention that I hate the holidays? I’m sure I have, but let me reiterate it: I hate the holidays.

Before you go making some leaps of logic because you took and introduction to psychology class freshman year, it is not because I’m anti-social or just a grouch or anything of the sort. I have very specific grievances. The first one that comes to mind is that everything is closed, which for someone who has a daily schedule is a real inconvenience. And I like my daily schedule, that’s why I do it every day. These disruptions mean I don’t get to put my paycheck in the bank, can’t buy food, can’t buy gas for my car.

The crap about seeing family on the holidays is hollow, too. If I cared about these people, I would make the time to see them more than just once a year when every other idiot is also on the road. I don’t, so I don’t.

My biggest peet peeve about Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s has got to be the turkey. I absolutely cannot stand turkey. I hate the taste, the smell, the texture… everything about that nasty, shit-dwelling bird. I have only ever enjoyed a Thanksgiving turkey once in my entire life. I was in Big Bend with Sailor Moon’s family on a camping trip and the turkey was fried by a cajun chef. Anything can taste good when it has been in 400 degree peanut oil for an hour.
Because I can’t eat the food I want, I tend to not eat at all on Thanksgiving. Invariably 10 people will try to get me to eat some turkey and I have to be really mean to them to get them to go away and take that nasty shit with them.

Christmas is even worse because some places will be closed for days in a row. If I don’t want to starve I either have to buy a lot of food in advance or search out the Chinese food restaurant where all the Jewish people are eating at. Trust me, that is a weird conversation to have, explaining to a group of Jewish people why a Roman Catholic convert doesn’t celebrate Christmas.

That’s why my two favorite holidays have been and shall forever be Halloween and Election Day. Nobody expects to get either off from work, and the only reason you would go out or do something special is because you choose to, not because you are expected to. They are democratic holidays.