Common Sense

It’s so spectacular, I had to use three exclamation points! Make that four.

Paris Hilton says she got punched in the face. That’s right, someone finally did it.

Paris claims Moakler punched her in the jaw and Moakler claims Paris’s ex Stavros Niarchos poured a drink over her head and shoved her down some stairs. So basically today is the best day ever. The incident happened at Hyde at around 1:10 AM when Shanna confronted Paris and started screaming obscenities, at one point punching her in the jaw with a closed fist. The bad blood is the result of Paris getting it on with Shanna’s estranged husband Travis Barker, and a source close to Paris reveals that Shanna has been leaving “menacing” messages on Paris’s answering machine.

This is almost enough to take my mind off the grueling rehab ahead, the fact that our Congress has not only sold out our freedoms and moral standing in the world to the president, but also molests children, the completely failed wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the revelations from Bob Woodward and others that our president is a duplicitous, evil moron.

Almost.