Common Sense

Last night, the Common Sense crew had intended to do a lot of partying and to buy advanced tickets for MI 3 today. We didn’t quite do that.

We got the partying bit done. At about 9 p.m. we rolled up into Casa Ole to eat all the free chips and dip we could while drinking margaritas. I had one and half margaritas before the guys made me leave so we could go onto the next adventure. And I think between the three of us, we did four bowls of chips and three bowls of salsa verde.

The waiter, Jason, was really cool. I had ordered two drinks worth $5.99 each, he only charged each of us $3.39 a piece. We left him a big tip for being so cool.

We then headed for Waco hot spot Treff’s. Treff’s is a great bar downtown that is frequented by all the young hipsters. We went inside and upstairs to listen to the band play cover songs from Stevie Ray Vaughn including “Mary Had a Little Lamb” which was on the From Dusk ‘Til Dawn soundtrack. Freakin’ awesome.

Somewhere during the two Jack and Cokes, the shot of Captain Morgan Tattoo and the  1 1/2 shots of Goldschlager, we watch the Spurs kick some playoff ass and the cow scene from Twister. It was to portend things to come.

Then for some reason, Sailor Moon and Space Monkey wanted to climb a brick wall on a building being renovated. I couldn’t get up, which might be why I found the whole thing kind of childish. I mean, sneaking around and hiding behind a dumpster so the cops don’t see you just to climb a wall. It just reminds me too much of high school, and I hated high school.

It was about then my cell phone vibrated and I missed the call from my mom. It was also then I realized that the annoying noise I heard were the tornado sirens. I called home to find that our area was under Tornado Warning.

“Do we drive back to Sailor Moon’s house?” Space Monkey asked.

“No. The storm is in Crawford heading toward you.” was Common Sense Mom’s response.

So we decided to hunker down inside another bar, Cricket’s. We sat at a back booth and ordered cheese fries and root beer. But the kitchen was closed! If we were going to die, I damn well wanted some cheese fries and a root beer before I went to hell. Let’s face it, that’s where I’m going.

Everything was fine and good. We were far enough away from the windows that I felt comfortable, a nice sturdy booth with a table to duck under should the worst happen. I was enjoying the whole novelty of the moment. Seldom was I ever in the path of a tornado; I’m usually sitting at home watching tornados all around pass us by. Then the lights went out.

The lights went out and Sailor Moon freaked out. He slapped Space Monkey and started screaming for us to get away from the windows. One of the bouncers had to come tell him to calm down because he was freaking the other people in the bar out. So he wanted us to go into the smoking room, which is surrounded by windows with french doors. In the dark, the only thing I could see in that room was grey smoke and I started coughing, so I went back to the booth. I was on the phone with Common Sense Mom telling her all about this when Space Monkey came for me to tell me Sailor Moon was freaking out even more now.

So we were going back to the room to calm him down and he wasn’t there. The only logical place he could be was… the bathroom. Yes, he was standing in the corner, in the dark, in the smelly men’s room. By choice. We weren’t there long before someone asked “What are you doing in here?”

“We like to watch men pee.” was Sailor Moon’s answer. No comment necessary.

We were there maybe fifteen minutes when someone walked in to say that if we wanted to leave, now would be the time to do. So we left.

I realize that he only wanted to protect us, but step number one in a crisis situation is to remain calm and keep your head. The addition of alcohol doesn’t make that any easier, so his panicking didn’t really help anything. Number two, we were in a pretty secure building. I felt totally safe in there. But if he didn’t, all he would have had to say was “Guys, I don’t think this is safe enough. Can we move somewhere further away from the windows?”

Instead, we got “GET THE F— UP. COME THE F— WITH ME!!!!!!” And then he slapped Space Monkey. If he had slapped me, I might have had to break a beer bottle over his head to calm him down. Probably not, but I wouldn’t have gone in the room after him and just sat down.
All this totally killed my buzz, by the way.

And number three, like the guy taking a whizz at the urinal next to me said, “If it’s your time, it’s your time.” That is the enlightened, albeit somewhat fatalistic, view that I also subscribe to. If it is your time, you will know it. And if you loose your cool over the possibility of dying, the the terrorists win. Or something.

We ended up back at Sailor Moon’s house after I drove us through the pouring rain. It was dark, and we couldn’t see the damage, but we had heard that the possible tornado went straight down Waco Dr. I heard this morning that the Coca-Cola bottling plant on Franklin (where we were) was destroyed, too.

Because our clothes were soaking wet from the rain, I ended up celebrating No Pants Day a little late. I was in a t-shirt and my boxers most of the night. And I discovered that we were still too drunk to decipher the rules to Risk and that Sailor Moon did not have enough dominos to play Chicken Foot.

To entertain ourselves, I had to run around the driveway with my boxers around my ankles.

I left for home around 7 a.m. Sailor Moon had been passed out for hours, Space Monkey was on the verge of vomiting because of his acid reflux. And I was feeling chipper despite the lack of my morning breve.

Storms like that are exciting, especially when you aren’t all cozy in your house. If I had been able to keep my buzz, I probably would have enjoyed it a bit more. And I have to apologize to Pink Lady. I had to pick somebody to drunk call at midnight to say that I might die in a tornado, so I picked her to hear my last words, which were very, very slurred. Sorry, PL.